More and more I realize the gift of starting out small. In these stages I can make decisions regarding where I am willing to “go” as an actor, where my boundary lines are, without having the added burden of being overly successful. Haha, does that make any sense? I see these young people who found success so early, before they were able to really establish a firm foundation, and their morals are tested and they give in. The temptation is great even when you’re the “little guy.” I’m sure some would consider me prudish, but I know the decisions I make now, in the seemingly meaningless* roles, will decide what choices I make in the future, when even more will be at stake.
I will admit that sometimes my boundary lines seem a little wavy. I am willing to play a kidnapping psychopath (okay, beyond willing. I’m thrilled!), but I won’t cuss. On the outside, it looks very petty, but I spend a lot of time in prayer over everything, and sometimes God just shows me things I can’t see on my own. I was telling Him this morning that I can reason my way into anything. But I don’t want to use my reasoning, I want to follow His wisdom. And He spoke to me regarding a role that I was very easily able to reason myself into doing. But what He said was black and white, had nothing to do with human reason, and was the simple answer, “No.”
My husband and I had just been talking about how we want our kids to simply say “Yes ma’am and yes sir” when we tell them to do something. They can ask why later, but we want their initial response to be pure trust that we have their best interests in mind, because we do. And we were both realizing that we don’t always do that with God. Many times my first question is “why?”, rather than just trusting that the God who created me, loved me, died for me, actually cares enough to have my best interests in mind.
So I sent the email turning down the part before asking God that lovely why question. And I actually find myself less inclined to ask it this morning. God is good, He always has been and always will be.
In the meantime, I have a voiceover demo to prepare for, and I want it to be excellent. That is how I’ve been filling my time lately. I even got myself a shnazzy microphone! Exciting times, with a lot changing and happening. Somewhat difficult at times, but always good.
*I do not consider any role to be meaningless, and I see no less value in a student film or short than I do in a feature. Its all about people.